• Matt

Cargo Ship Returns to Work After 6 Days of Self-Care


SUEZ CANAL- After 6 days of baths, mediation sessions, and turning off social media, the Ever Given Cargo Ship is ready to go back to work. When prodded by reporters about the extended break the Ever Given responded, “I kept putting the needs of others before my own. I was on the edge of a burnout.”

Various efforts were made to move the Ever Given. Text messages were sent out saying, “What’s your ETA?” and, “Can’t you just wait for the weekend?!” Knowing this would happen the mental health conscious ship turned it’s phone on airplane mode to make a boundary. Some critics have accused the cargo ship of being “lazy” and “overdramatic” citing their own hectic work schedules as proof of success. “I never take vacations” said the SS Atlantic Conveyor, “I even have a side gig delivering appliances on the weekend. Do I wish I had more time for my family? Of course, but work is work.”

Egyptian TV footage captured the ship blowing out a pair of Verbena Lemongrass Candles and lip signing to the song “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman. “I feel so refreshed and I am actually excited to see my coworkers.” Said the Cargo Ship with a certain glow about it.

Sources confirm that traffic in the waterway can now resume. The canal authority did express concern that a focus on mental health might result in lost revenue in the future. More as this trend continues.

Written by Matt Struck. Matt is a Late Night host by trade and spends most of his free time trying to repair broken friendships. :(




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